On Healthy Boundaries and the Power of Saying NO
One key lesson I learned in 2018 was the importance of creating boundaries with those around you. Boundaries are meant to contain us within the reality that we are 100% responsible for our own lives. They are not meant to force others into compliance with our wishes (source). I believe that energetically, saying no to what you don’t want in various aspects of your life can create space to bring in what you do want to call in. The importance of being honest with your feelings was further expanded on in a way I vibe with on the Friend Zone Podcast episode Would You Tell Me (1/23/2019) where they addressed instances where it can be difficult to be honest with others (particularly friends) and to create healthy boundaries. It’s really easy in a culture that values being nice over being honest to just say yes to your friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues, etc. when you want to say no. But you aren’t doing yourself any favors by saying Yes when your mind/body/soul is saying No.
1 | NO is a complete sentence
NO is a complete sentence. I’m giving you permission to say NO full-stop in a loving way and then keep it moving. Tack on a thank you at the end if you feel moved to but it’s truly not required.
2 | Your reasons for saying NO don’t really need to be explained
Because as we addressed in point #1 that No is a complete sentence, as such, you don’t need to explain further on your reasoning unless you really want to. It’s so easy to back-pedal into over-explanation after you politely say NO to someone.
3 | How you say NO is important (there’s no need to be rude…but demand respect if the situation warrants it)
Intention and energy is important. Saying NO in a manner that remains true to yourself doesn’t mean saying it loudly or angrily. But you can be forceful in your NO if the situation requires. There’s really no reason to be rude. But it’s also important to demand to be treated and spoken to in a respectful manner.
4 | Saying NO doesn’t mean you don’t care
Though people may take your NO negatively, saying NO truly does’nt mean you don’t care. It probably means you care too much if you are an empath or sensitive person or simply feel triggered.
5 | Saying NO in the present doesn't mean you can’t change your mind later
Saying NO doesn’t have to be permanent. You can say NO to a job opportunity, business collaboration, overture by a potential romantic interest, etc. and circle back at a later time to express that you have changed your mind. But just because you’ve changed your mind on a situation doesn’t mean the other person or persons has as well so be prepared to potentially hear a NO in response and respect that that person(s) is simply outlining their own boundaries.
6 | It’s ok if saying NO makes you uncomfortable, keep practicing
There are an abundance of books, and resources on creating boundaries. Teachers like Maryam Hasnaa teach whole courses on energetics and boundaries. Counseling by a certified mental health professional is also a great way to unpack limiting beliefs and past experiences that may help you better understand how you’ve held to your personal boundaries in the past and offer tools for how to do so in the future. If you are working to create healthy boundaries and say NO with professional colleagues, peers, friends, or a romantic partner, practice your NO statements with a trusted loved one or counselor. The more you practice, the more you’ll activate your Throat Chakra by speaking your inner truth which warrants it’s own separate blog post in the future.